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A Relationship Greater than the Sum of Its Parts

You don’t have to go somewhere new to create a beautiful life. You can start right here and now, wherever you are, with whomever’s there…especially with people you love. If you’ve cultivated love for fellow beings as your orientation, it’s even better. The relationship you create is its own beautiful entity — there for each of you.
 
Parents know that a beautiful life isn’t neat and tidy. Having children of your own is an invitation to additional vulnerability. The highs and lows of these small people become your own — but in opening to the lives of these small ones you love so much, you open to beauty itself.
 
Surrounding yourSelf with beauty is a do-it-yourSelf mindset. It has much less to do with art on the walls, flowers on the table and perfect hair than it does with the resonance between your head and heart space and all else — especially the beings around you. 
 
Your friends are beauty. Your family is beauty. The people you come to love are beauty. Building these others up and supporting them is surrounding yourSelf with beauty.
 
Honor their wisdom and inspire them to honor it as well. It doesn’t require a stranger sitting on a mountaintop to transmit life’s most important insights. If you believe in the authentic value that’s yours to give, you can also believe in the authentic value that’s your friend’s and family’s as well. Surrounding yourSelf with beauty becomes sustainable when you inspire others to discover their own deep, genuine wells of insight. By showing and honoring your faith in the wisdom that’s theirs to give, you create a resonance for love and respect. A vase of roses will eventually wilt, but the seeds you plant here will blossom with fruit and become self-sustaining over time. 
 
Surround YourSelf with Beauty #1: Inspire those around you by showing your trust in these beings. What’s it feel like when someone shows their trust in you? It’s pretty special, right? Show your trust in others and help them realize how special they are. Honor the value they produce. It’s like hanging art on the walls of your life.

Be There & Be What’s Needed

You’ve been there before — so you know how it goes. It’s not an easy-going, supportive game they play in a mind space structured around possessiveness and expectations. The rhythm’s defined by conflict and debate. That’s the nature of what some call management.

The one you aim to support has been there too, though not like this. The stakes were different before. Expectations were based on the quality of value-creation as opposed to the speed of decision-making. This one’s got the chops. You know they can do it — but it’s hard for them to believe, because they’re developing equilibrium with the direct experience. This is where you come in.

You know their potential, even if they can’t see it right now. The beauty of rich, vibrant value shines like a beacon, and you admire them for it. They’ve contributed to “the work” of others, and added just the right finishing touches, clearly demonstrating a well of talent, insight and grasp of the finer points. It can be more difficult to see the potential in one’s own work, and so they’re struggling with it. You can help.

When tectonic plates shift, the earth quakes. But do the plates that the two of you represent need to scrape? Compassion guides your passage. How? Mindful in the current moment, you’ve thrown your doors open wide for the business of “the work.” No shirt, no shoes, no problem — all are welcome here. You’ve experienced each moment as a building block for the the peak ones, and so you practice non-attachment — not pushing away or grasping — trusting in provisions from the Universe, which is also you. Compassion isn’t imposing what you think is right — it’s being open to doing “the work,” and then helping where you see help is needed.

Surround YourSelf with Beauty #2: When the one you aim to help doesn’t believe in themSelf, your goal is to build him or her up, so why clash? Let curiosity and compassion guide — ask the questions you ask yourSelf. What’s really going on in there? What does it feel like? Does it help to see things this way? What would make them feel the way they want and need? You’re there, so be there, and be what’s needed.

Narrative of A Lifetime

The place you come from is “trust,” so trust in the authentic value that’s yours to give. Is there anything more worthwhile to offer? You’re not a robot. Between inception and instinct you represent a massive margin of potential.

Every single moment was essential to writing “the work” of yourSelf. It’s the narrative of a lifetime. You encompass this vast multitude of experiences, beliefs, variations, and idiosyncrasies. This is the well from which you draw inspiration.

From the depths of your being up to the physical space you occupy — it’s all authentic value that’s yours to give. The direction you face is always forward, into opportunity.

When another doesn’t appreciate your authentic value, does this make it, “less than?” Only if you invest your belief that it’s “less than.” You’ve created, and no one can take that away.

Do you manifest value to please someone or because you see a need and have value to give? You know what compassion is, and you know the answer. You’re here to help as the opportunity arises.

Then there’s the resource of the current moment. All that is for all that you are. Where you meet is right here, in the eternal now.

Surround YourSelf with Beauty #3: Envision what it would be like if all the people around you were open to their ultimate selves. Amazing for one and all. Who doesn’t win in this situation? Everywhere you turn, the best advice, fabulous fun and consistent connection to what’s most important. Then why not go for it — how can you help them open to it?

Instead of A Clash, Make It A Hug of The Titans

There’s a lot more going on than meets the eye (or consciousness, for that matter) wherever beings meet. Sometimes you savor it, but most of the time, it all flies by before a conscious thought can form.

Just as yourSelf encompasses a galaxy of experiences, beliefs, variations and idiosyncrasies, every other being embodies a similar vastness of lifetime moments. These multitudes meet in harmony and dissonance all along your beings, manifesting through instinct as attraction or repulsion.

So how do you realize beauty and maintain the compassion you’ve been working so hard to foster — feeling the love that breeds inspiration, and opens into the creative space where you want to live?

Surround YourSelf with Beauty #4: Gratitude isn’t just for saying, “thanks.” With enough practice, it can become your graceful stance to meet and foster the potential beauty of other beings. You know that the Universe depends on both shadow AND light. One defines the other. You can’t wear gloves when you’re working with these raw materials. Becoming mindful, you want as much as possible to get in through your pores. You can’t transform the shadow when it’s bouncing off your sword and armor. Assume gratitude as your stance to become open and cultivate beauty.

The 3rd Entity

There’s you, there’s another, and then there’s a third entity, your relationship. This third entity becomes what you make of it, together. This isn’t only about romance, it’s about family, friends, colleagues, and even Don the grocer, whom you barely know.
 
You can’t change another person anymore than you can change the weather, but you can change the energy produced by the two of you together. Relationships are raw, messy and visceral, but that’s the nature of guts, and relationships are the guts of your beautiful life. The care and feeding of your relationship is up to you. This also determines what comes out of it on the other end.
 
When someone gives you fear and anger, it’s up to you what you do with it. Meet fear and anger with more of the same, and what do you get? You know the answer and have the power to transform shadow. Getting blasted by someone’s fear and anger? It probably has more to do with them than it does with you, but it’s hard to see this when you’re in the middle of it. So how do you gain perspective?
 
It comes back to setting your stance. You can remain peaceful and set a warrior’s ready stance. Fight fear, not people. Fighting fear isn’t ignoring it. You don’t aim to add to that big cosmic ball of ignorance. You’ve got to feel it to transform it, and so you’re fine feeling fear. Fighting fear is feeling it, then stopping it so that you don’t become a fear factory, producing and spreading more of the same. Care and feeding of relationships depends on a ready stance. When shadow comes in, which it will, get ready to transform it.
 
Surround YourSelf with Beauty #5: The next time you know you’re going to interact in a relationship defined by fear, anger or pain, prepare yourSelf with the stance, “I’m here to help.” Living into purpose can be looking for the opportunity to transform the shadow. Transforming shadow (like fear) into the change you wish to see (like compassion), is “the work” of building your beautiful life.

Feed Beauty Instead of Fear

Remember what it was like, snuggling into warm, clean laundry as a child? The smell, the softness, the warmth of pajamas and sheets, fresh out of the dryer, given with love? The same deep and abiding love exists within you today, and it’s within your power whether or not you choose to engage with it.
 
People can turn away from love, turn it off or turn it into something else. The power to transform works on both shadow AND light. It’s why you set your intention to value creative.
 
You know about those who play the zero-sum game, where someone must lose so that they can win. Zero-sum gamers build lives around the constant fear of meeting one who wins at their cost. It’s a game based on the last man standing — and that’s a lonely, isolated, meaningless game to play.
 
Living through fear, zero-sum gamers assume a stance to manufacture shadow and spread it like you live into purpose and create value. People represent risk to them, not beauty, and so relationships become transactional.
 
Help them and help yourSelf when you play your own game of living into purpose. Transform the shadow so it doesn’t get passed down through the generations.
 
Doing It: You can’t change people, but you can change the energy produced by the third entity, your relationship. It’s within your power to ensure that relationships don’t become transactional…even with Don the grocer. Living into purpose is looking for the opportunity to create value, because living a beautiful life is about surrounding yourSelf with beauty rather than devastation. Feed beauty instead of fear.

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