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For men, modern dating is like offering Bill Gates $40 to plow a field

I was in bed with a woman the other day. I never expected to end up there, but, after losing my car keys during our evening together, she asked if I’d like to sleep at her house as an alternative to trekking it all the way home in the cold. I accepted and, a little while later, there I was, lying beside her in her bed. We didn’t kiss. We didn’t cuddle. We didn’t have sex. We didn’t do anything whatsoever. We just laid there next to each other and went to sleep. Even subtle attempts at contact from me were rebuked by her, and she made it abundantly clear that our first meeting was NOT a date, so I decided to take a hint and just appreciate being out of the cold. So, as I laid there, I started to ruminate on why it was that I was sitting there desperate for a tiny bit of intimacy from a woman, while she laid there on the other side of the mattress, blissfully alone. You could put it down to the fact that she didn’t find me attractive. Her actions over the course of the date and our interactions after would disagree. Additionally, based on my own need for intimacy, if I were in a position to be intimate with someone I didn’t even find attractive, I would’ve been. There is also the fact that this is entirely consistent with every woman I’ve ever desired: if you mention the words ‘dating’, ‘intimacy’ or ‘relationship’ to them, they’ll react worse than you telling them that you want to kill their families. This was in no way an isolated incident; this dynamic is the norm with western women from what I’ve seen and heard, and this is what I’m really talking about here. So, I needed to come up with another reason as to why it was that I wanted everything to do with her and she wanted nothing to do with me. This is what I came up with:

Western women have binged so unbelievably much on sex, attention & intimacy, it doesn’t interest them anymore.

Let me explain what I mean by that.

I know for a fact that this woman has had an untold number of sexual and romantic partners. She’s had tons of sex, tons of intimacy, and she has abundant amounts of attention from men by pure virtue of the fact that she’s on an online dating website. Through a combination of casual sex, friendships with beta orbiters, and endless amounts of male attention from online dating websites, these women are ‘full’. They don’t hunger for sex, intimacy, or attention because they’ve already had more of it than you could imagine. Expecting this woman to get excited about the prospect of having sex or cuddling would be like expecting someone who has just eaten three family-sized bags of Doritos to get excited about the prospect of eating another family-sized bag of Doritos. If I offered that person that additional bag of Doritos, the idea of eating it would probably make them sick. In the same way, these women have had so much sex, intimacy, and attention from men already that they no longer desire it anymore.

As I’ve said before, every human interaction is driven by economics. People interact with other people to gain something of value. So, for example, if you want to hang out with a friend, you don’t do it ‘just because,’ you do it because you the experience would offer you something of value, such as alleviating loneliness or boredom or keeping the other person happy to keep the friendship alive. Humans don’t do things ‘just because’ — all behavior is driven by the combinations of incentives and disincentives at play. Because all human interactions are driven by a desire to derive personal value from another person, if the person has nothing of value to offer them, the interaction becomes annoying and unwanted. If someone doesn’t believe this, ask them to give you $50 for no apparent reason and offer them nothing in return; their reaction will be your proof.

My ability to provide her sex, intimacy, and attention wasn’t valuable to her. She’s sick of it and can get it from anywhere. It’s Economics 101: scarcity = value. You can’t sell someone a pebble you picked up off the ground because pebbles are so abundant that anyone could just get one by looking on the ground. You can sell people a gold nugget for a high price, though, because gold nuggets are incredibly rare. Thus, if I want her to provide the service that I want (giving me sex, intimacy, and attention), I need to give her something of commensurate value in exchange to make it worthwhile for her. Otherwise, I become annoying, and she’ll want me to go away. As such, the situation with cold western women comes down to this:

Women don’t need sex, intimacy, or attention. They’re sick of that. Asking them to be sexual or intimate with you, or to give you attention, in return for you doing the same, is like offering Bill Gates $40 to plow your fields with his bare hands and expecting him to do it.

The traditional forms of currency used to court women do not work anymore. It’s always:

“Oh, you can give me attention? So can thousands of other guys on Tinder, OkCupid, and Plenty of Fish!”
“Oh, you can have sex with me? So can thousands of other guys from Tinder, OkCupid, and Plenty of Fish!”
“Oh, you can be intimate with me? So can thousands of other guys on Tinder, OkCupid, and Plenty of Fish who are happy to be beta orbiters and be my best friend in the hope that I’ll have sex with them!”

Men have nothing of value to offer women anymore. Even money has lost its value as a currency for men to attract women because women aren’t hard-up for money either anymore. Before online dating websites became a thing, women were as hungry as men were for sex, intimacy, and attention. That is no longer the case, and *everyone* suffers for it.

I’ve talked about how men lose from this situation, but women do as well. That’s because binging on things — even the things that you love — completely destroys your enjoyment of them. Examples:

  • Eating a can of tuna is enjoyable. Eating twenty cans of tuna will turn you off tuna forever.
  • Getting drunk and passing out every so often is fun. Doing it every day will make you severely depressed if it doesn’t kill you first.
  • Going for a random drive is fun. Spending weeks in the car driving around aimlessly would make you go crazy.

This is made even more complicated by the fact that, for women, a genuine emotional connection actually represents a net loss in value. Everything that you can offer women in terms of emotional fulfillment all boils down to validation. Sex, intimacy, and attention are all really forms of validation when you’ve binged on them enough. As such, a relationship where she can’t get casual sex, can’t be intimate with men and her beta orbiters, and can’t hear her smartphone dinging anymore is actually a step down from the single life in terms of validation. Men attempting to date women aren’t just offering women no value, they’re actually offering women something of *negative* value to them. It’s the same as saying:

“I’ll trade you my broken iPhone 5 for your brand new iPhone 7.”
“I’ll trade you my mountain bike for your Mercedes.”

Messaging woman on an online dating site also represents a negative value for women. By messaging them, you’ve forced them to put in effort to reply. There is nothing in it for them to reply to your message — it’s actually a net loss on their part to do so.

Any woman who has been raised to always ask “what’s in it for me?” will never, ever date you. Not unless you are extraordinarily attractive AND wealthy. They will also be relegated to buying lots of cats and taking antidepressants to cope with the fact that, even though their hedonistic, self-centered lifestyle is fun, it’s not fulfilling. People need meaning to truly be happy and, for these women, even though they will be rich in all other ways, this is one area where they will always be desperately poor. Any man who doesn’t get this message is effectively trying to sell salt water to the ocean.

In summary, you cannot win a woman with sex, attention, and intimacy because they already have all of those things in spades. You can’t even really do it with money or by bulking up. There’s nothing you could offer them that’s worth their time because anything you can offer is as abundant as oxygen. Trying to get sex, intimacy, and attention from women is like going to Starbucks to buy a washing machine, or going to the Sahara desert for a swim. Women simply do not have the ability to offer you those things anymore as they once did. They don’t need to, they don’t want to, and there’s nothing you can offer them to change their minds. Men have become a pop song on repeat that they’ve listened to so much it’s actually become annoying. It’s a terrible situation, one that will continue as long as womens’ smartphones keep dinging, until they start realizing that restraint can bring them satisfaction, or until you start negging them.

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