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Gendered Jealousy and the Affect Its Having On Your Life

Jealousy is a bitch.
 
That’s right, I said it. Jealousy is such a degrading feeling that it can leave you feeling defeated, alone and rejected; especially when it comes to Romantic Relationships. When it comes to these relationships, jealousy can be described in a variety of ways: crazy, irrational, overly emotional, cute, or caring. Sadly, the negative three of the five ways are usually used to describe women when they show this emotion. So that means men are perceived as cute and caring. How wonderful is that? Men and women feeling the exact same emotion, but being described in completely different ways when they express it. 
 
It really is a bitch.
 
Why is that exactly? Why is it that women are described as “irrational”, “crazy” and “overly emotional” when it comes to feeling jealous? That seems highly unfair. It’s the fact that general stereotypical acts are at play here when it comes to jealousy in romantic relationships. 
 
Men tend exhibit jealousy more because of the stereotypes that surround them. Stereotypes of men wanting to be in control of a relationship seems to still have some truth today. Men typically have this “I protect what’s mine” kind of mindset which can lead to a sense of jealousy when someone of greater appeal suddenly threatens the comfort of the relationship. According to the article “3 reasons we can get jealous,” Psychologist Seth Meyers goes on to explain that the majority of the emotion is psychological. “We feel jealous in such moments because of our sense that a cherished connection we have with another person is threatened and a fear that a loved one may find someone else to replace us.” So, in order to keep a sense of security, it almost seems like they need reassurance from their significant other that there is no potential threat. This suggests that men have a higher fear of being cheated on or betrayed. Why is this? Why are men the ones that have a higher fear of being cheated on when it always seems like when guys cheat or have multiple partners they are applauded or glorified? Men are studs for having multiple partners and women are sluts for having multiple partners. This only adds to the fact that it’s okay for men to feel jealous. Although, another stereotype when it comes to men is that, when they get jealous, it is seen as cute and caring. 
You always see in the movies or articles about how “cute” it is when guys get jealous because that means he “cares.” It’s not even guys who usually say this — it’s us women. It’s what we say to help comfort and support our friends to make them feel better about our overly jealous significant others. Why do we contribute to the romanticization that it’s okay for men to be “caring and cute” while also supporting the idea that us women MUST be crazy if we even feel a slight bit of jealousy?
It really doesn’t make any sense. 
We are treated as if we are insane for feeling the same emotion as men do. Now, of course there are examples out there that truly define the crazy ex-girlfriend. For instance, in the article “Jealousy or madness,” There is a story of a woman who was still in love with her ex-husband and decided to kidnap his new spouse, cover her in tar, and throw her in the city dump. It’s these rare instances that make women afraid to be perceived as jealous. Women feel like they are not in the position to address their jealousy because society has taught them that they are dependent on men and should not succumb to their “irrational thoughts.” It is incredibly unbelievable how much society has done to make us think this way and it’s because of society we even have these stereotypes in the first place.
 
Everyday these stereotypes affect our relationships. It has made women all around the world think that we will be labeled as crazy if we even try to talk to our partner about some concerns we may have. The stereotypes have allowed us to think it’s okay for men to be jealous because it means he “cares”. This thinking needs to stop. Jealousy is an emotion felt by everyone and should be treated exactly the same as the other. I mean, what a shock would it be if all women just began telling their partners that they “need to calm down” or “are acting overly emotional”? My point is that jealousy shouldn’t be gendered. It’s natural and can be irrational and rational on both sides. Society needs to start breaking down these stereotypes of women being the crazy one and men the cute and caring one. Men can be crazy and women can be caring…who knew right?

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