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It’s Time to Address the Experiences Black Women Have While Navigating in the Dating World

Leave Black women alone if you’re not gonna enter our space correct.

I hope this falls in the hands of a man that’s about to try and mess with your emotions sis, one who’s about to put the read receipts on his iPhone then wait to respond to you just to show he’s laid back and not too interested, because God forbid he shows any likeness for you, likeness which could lead to him being happy, but instead too focused on how to be manipulative and incite an anxious flutter in you on purpose. Our potential Man Crush Monday, purposely wants us to get anxious y’all, ain’t that something? Or “Ghosting” how cute, our generation has come up with a word to cover up and sugar code ‘ emotional abuse’ the guy that declares their intrest for you daily, and then one day disappears without explanation.

This emotional abuse is present in the dating world and is something that all women have experienced.

But for Black women, its a whole other scene for us. Black women get all types of abuse on the regular as soon as we step foot outside, so experiencing all the uncomfortable and toxic messages in the dating world isn’t a complete shock for us. But that doesnt mean we want it.

When white women hop on a dating website, or go out on a friday night looking for someone to connect with, they’re avoiding the usual misogony, body shaming, and unwanted dick pics. For Black women, we’re avoiding racism, misogyny, fetishization, anti-blackness, body shaming, colorism, plus the dick pics.

Dating isn’t as simple for Black women. Although our melanin is poppin, our curls and our silk pressed hair is shining from the over usage of coconut oil, (wait, too much coconut oil? No such thing.) Society has made it clear that we are the least desirable, this dangerous and harmful lie about us has seeped into the minds of unfortunately so many. And it haunts us on the dating apps we surf.

Dating isn’t a harmless swipe left or right for us. And we are NOT the blame for the treatment we recieve in the dating world.

There isn’t a lot of gentle and considerate people that try and date Black women, and there should be. You’re most likely dating a woman who is already a target to all types of abuse. Racial, emotional, psychological and the list goes on. Adding abuse to her dating life is damaging. Here we are trying to connect like every other woman but we’re constantly reminded that we aren’t pretty enough, “too black,” and only wanted for our bodies.

“NO darkskinned women”

“Black girls are ok I guess, no relationship though and real hair only”

“Black women are pretty, but are emotionally too much, and insecure, so white and Latina hit me up only.”

“I’d prefer to date Black girls because I dodge meeting the dads.”

Those are in the dating profiles of men online, oh and of ALL races.

There is without a doubt emotional and psychological abuse that is placed on us by society, and then here y’all come perpetuating that same abuse, adding on to what we already encounter outside of our dating life. We can’t even escape to a world where we just want to enjoy dating.

Stop wasting our time with unhealthy dialogue, manipulation, fetishizing us and this enjoyment of entering our space then disappearing without a say. News flash, contrary to popular belief, we are not disposable. Your fixation on playing the dating game with us, placing your toxic masculinity, insecurities and emotional abuse on us is dangerous and harmful. We are already seen as threats to society for just existing in our skin.

This kind of abuse is something that isn’t new to us, we see it everywhere in the media, magazines and in our own communities. The amount of abuse we deal with on a daily basis is exhausting, and then to go out and be vulnerable with a man sitting across from us at a resturatant just to receive the“ I have to play it cool, I don’t want you for you” type of guy. Leaving us to think once again, just as the world already mentioned; there is something wrong with us.

Sisters are being care-free and vulnerable, being our true self which is a form of protest, against all the outlets that deem us opposite of that, just to be hurt in the process by men that think we are no longer useful.

Appreciate the Black woman who’s giving you herself. Because getting to that step wasn’t easy, Black women before her died trying to get to that step, never getting to reveal their truths, never getting to experience love. So when you use your dating game tactics, and withdraw from her after seeing the first sign of her insecurities, simply because its a turn off for you. Then, I’m sorry, how dare us try to be human for a moment. Turned off? More like not taking into consideration where those insecurities are rooted. Hundreds of years of misogynoir, the brown paper bag test, “the pretty for a black girl” all violently thrown in our laps like heirlooms passed down from our grandmothers.

Do us a favor, keep Black women out your mouths, leave Black women alone, if all you’re going to do is add on your fetishes your anti-blackness and perpetuate sterotypes that we’re freaks in bed, along with the other countless amounts of abuse that we already recieve, then leave us alone.

The real question is, why don’t you want to enter our space with anything other than love?

This idea that we can handle your unhealthy behavior because we’re “strong.”

When dating us know that we are gentle, we are soft, we feel, we’re human. And we love hard, despite any previous heartbreak. It’s heart wrenching that I even have to say that. So by now you should have learned, enter our space correct or leave Black women alone.

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