So here’s the thing… you have this ‘thing’ that you feel you’ve always needed to do. Some have said its impossible or that you’ll never do it , others actually discourage you (usually apparently in your best interests) out of their own belief structure and fear of failure. And so you continue to move through your life just cruising along and you learn to live with the frustration. The constant feeling that there is more, or you are meant to do more. Either way you have become comfortable with this inconvenient ‘thing’ almost to the point that if it somehow moved or began to look different it would throw you off your game. Sound familiar?
So what happens if one day you wake up and can feel yourself losing your last nerve cell clearly hearing it going snap, crackle, pop? The ‘Thing’, this thing that has its rightful place and not only doesn’t move but barely stirs isn’t satisfied with its place anymore but wants to get out, wants to breathe, wants to take you places you’ve never been and
…no matter how much you rock it, soothe it, ignore it, jump up and down on it like a cartoon duck!…
challenge you in ways you never thought impossible.
Now its awake, and it wont go back to sleep no matter how much you rock it, soothe it, ignore it, jump up and down on it like a cartoon duck! Now it drives you, you don’t drive it.
Where’s my Ride?
Having now excepted this rather persistent beast as having more say in your life than you would like, what next? All of a sudden you now want to honour it, nurture it, make it grow and satiate the burn. Again having accepted this you are inevitably left with the question.. How the Hell do I do that!?
If anyone has found themselves in a similar situation whether a calling from God, a desire to change the world or just having this one big thing , what we have in common is how we give that wheels. Sometimes that is obvious, sometimes we beat ourselves up because we think it should be obvious, but all too often its not. After all if it was so self explanatory wouldn’t we have done something with it already? And if we haven’t, what’s worse is that we have to face up to the reasons why we refused for so long to let it out of its box.
For me personally it was (and still is to a degree) a bit of both. Ultimately I was left with the question of where I left my vehicle, what that looks like, will I recognise it when I see it and can I even drive it!
I am a lucky man that has been blessed with a lot of different talents from music and artistic endeavors through to empathetic people skills and public speaking. But not one of them ever felt they came together on their own as the ‘right’ one to carry forward the Ministry I was given charge of, at least in what I considered a meaningful way. Instead it was kaleidoscope of employment, ministries, hobbies, blessings and challenges that I
…I was going in circles and each vehicle felt like the steering column was jammed in a permanent right hand turn
never felt were quite working together properly. Should I focus on one I felt my other gifts were being neglected and so would shift my focus — not without some guilt at times — to that which I felt needed attention. I was going in circles and each vehicle felt like the steering column was jammed in a permanent right hand turn.
The Face-palm Moment
.. So jump to the day when all this confusion came together, face-palm day! I’d like to say that this happened with a lightening bolt that shook my being and left me lit up like a Christmas tree but it was more of a coming of age thing. Now the given Ministry I was called to finally made sense and how to get it there was clear- Put simply… It was simply me (cue face-palm).
Everything of who I am and Whose I AM came together in a quiet moment of reason. While I had been chasing my tail trying to find my vehicle God was driving it all the time. All of who I am, what I did, how I turned my hand was the Ministry, the calling I couldn’t figure out how to deliver. The rest wasn’t my problem.
The Greatest thing About Grace…
The greatest thing about Grace, something I’ve almost always known is that my purpose isn’t my design but rather one by my Father in Heaven. He chose me, only me, and specifically me long before I was put on this earth to have my ‘thing’.
God’s works with my hands and an obedient heart.
But somewhere that got lost in translation, I was so eager to fulfill my calling that I forgot that where and how it looked wasn’t up to me. I merely needed to follow, communicate, be fearless in Him and let Him do the rest. Therein lay the both the vehicle and the answer. God’s works, with my hands and an obedient heart.
When this moment came suddenly all that anxiety about this ‘Thing’ fell away… It has its vehicle and was being driven by someone much more capable than me. It was like it had been let out on one hand and absorbed with the other. Now it was more fully a part of me than before, now knew it was there by design. The ‘Thing‘ had found its resting place and I had remembered mine.
About the Author;
Andrew is a trained Minister, Counsellor and Mediator